# 2 : Expressions.

All that was happening was somehow very difficult to take in all at once, for the worst and dizziest night mares were zapping back to reality. She dint still want to accept all that was taking place as real. She was happy to think that he would return back any moment and greet her the same way he used to do. ‘good morning, Honey’, her ears wanted to hear those words like how she used to every morning. She missed the way he made her feel special, she missed the way he curdled her, she missed the way they would go for long walks on the beach, she missed the way he kissed her. She missed everything that ever made her feel his presence. But now everything changed. The beach was silent and all disturbed her silence were the sounds of the waves which forced her thoughts back to reality. She stared at the beach with nothing but a heavy heart and sorrow she could take no longer. After what seemed like ages she looked back at the letter and cried silently..

“
Anne ( love of my life ),

As you know I am never into writing letters, please forgive me if I am not able to make myself clear. If you have received this letter you must have even known that this was coming up. I never want this to end this way and it tears me apart to see all this end this way.

Honey, In my life if I ever loved anyone all from heart it would be dis-honest if I didn’t take your name. You were the only one I ever loved in my life. I loved the way you loved me back dear. The way we meet was the best thing so far. You were always there when I needed you the most. The way we meet, the relation we shared will remain the best things that ever happened to me. Now I am certain that the only reason I was brought here on earth was for you. Like I promised, I did cherish all my life I spent with you.

How I wish I had more time to spend with you dear. It would be the only thing I would ever wish for from my life at a moment like this. It was hard to accept that it was our house I’m seeing after arriving from office(for it couldn’t get any worse than that was with everything having messed up so horribly).You somehow turned my world upside down, YES you really did. And tell you what ? The view of my life was even better from this angle. The way you calm me down when I lose my nerve, the way you enjoy my company, the silence we shared when all i did was to stare at the most beautiful women on this planet, the relation we spent was special and I feel so horrible now.

How I wish I could tell you to believe me. Nope I know you believe me. Before you meet me, there was absolutely no spice in my life. It was as plain as the food you cooked(no salt and no spice). Was kidding dear. Before you jumped onto me, I was lost as a person could be yet it surprised me to see that you saw something in me. That made the man I could be and trust me the whole credit goes to you, just you.

But I want a small favour from you girl. I have never asked you for anything ( Apart from I asking if you would marry me 4 years ago and you accepting it, and trust me that changed my whole life). I want you to keep smiling honey. Can you do this for me.? I want you to move on with your life. Sometimes life gives you another chance and I hope you use this chance to show the best you have got. And yeah., I loved you from all my heart and trust me you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m glad I had the opportunity for having you a part of my life. I have always loved you and I will love you forever. but i will miss you the most.

Forever yours
- Jimmy “

“why you of the people jimmy?”, “ why did you have to suffer all this dear.?” , “ why did you leave me so alone.? Why did you just vanish from my life.? Don’t I mean anything to you.?” She screamed back at the silent ocean that laid in front of her. –jimmy is dead. He died of a tumour in his stomach. Yet she wasn’t in a position to accept this fact. After having read that letter for the hundredth time, she finally tried smiling recollecting all the happy moments they ever shared together. Yeah it was so easy when they were together. Sure those memories were the best she ever had and yeah she decided that she would carry them, all those memories for the rest of her life down the memory line. Sure it is going to a little difficult as things aren’t the same way they were before. He wasn’t there now. The only important person in her life isn’t with her but yeah he did leave those memories on his way. It definitely hurts to see yet may be this is how it had to end. *sigh* may be this is all he ever wanted from me she thought. Staring at the long light house in the dark she finally decided to move on with her life and learn to start being happy not for herself but for the only one she ever loved.

# 1 : Guardian Angel

...Dirty and entangled,that was exactly how her hair was when she got up..She dint care how she looked.,She was frightened.And somehow that was all that mattered to her at that moment..She had a night mare..She dint dare to move forward getting scared where the ghost she saw in her dreams will suddenly pop up..She had a feeling that someone was observing her,that every move of her was being tracked, that some one was there in the same room as she is and is watching her..She tried her best to forget all this thought and get back to sleep yet in vain..She tried to hide her fear by hugging the pillow..She hugged it tight and began to cry,cry harder..After having soaked the whole pillow with her tears,..

"Please help me.!" she remembered herself shouting out in the lonely dark sky..
"he will kill me"..
"Please help me.! I wanna live..!"..

The fear in her eyes told it all.! That she was deadly scared and she needed help.!Now that she is awake.,she dint want to get back to sleep,for she was scared he might pop up again in her dreams to haunt her memories..Just then she felt as if someone is caressing her,comforting her.,giving her the strength she wanted the most at a moment like to just drive him away..She felt good..As if something magical is happening..When she opened her eyes.,She found him..A tiny little creature,nothing like a human..But something more than that..She wasn't scared of him at all.It was comforting..She liked the way he calmed her down.,he looked beautiful and even more magical now..

"You remind me of the sweet little angel" she said..,"My sweet little angel"..And with that,he spread his beautiful wings and let them flutter..

"I am your angel..Your guardian angel" he responded..

"Does this mean I am safe now?" she asked innocently..

"Yup dear..You are safe now..Am here to take care of you when ever you want" he responded back to the curious questions asked by her..

"But why weren't you here before.?When I needed you the most?"..

"AM always here" he replied stoking her hair.
"I will always stay close to your heart, sweet heart.And dont worry..From wherever I am ,I'll watch out for you..Like I promised you before.,I will be your guardian angel..You can count on me to keep you safe"..

 She looked at up at the sky where millions of stars twinkled,her eyes moist.Yes.,She thought,you did honey..You really did..

...

I always thought that im am really very strong.,...Untill I realized last night that I am so useles.! We happened to play ..The actual playing like how one used to do when they were kids..Man we were all so useles.! It was then that i realised how useless we all were.! We hardly played for about 15 mins to realize that we were panting and dying to get enough oxygen.!But it was fun.! It was fun To feel like kids.,to again experience those innocence.,those fun we had.,to feel how diffucult they are now.!I never happend to enjoy this way.! Not so much atlest.!It was something more.! Something huge.! And something very exciting.!We played hide and seek(the one which can nevr be forgotten).freeze and melt.,blind flod.,cake cut(yeah.! right.! the same thing.! you heard me right).,Seven stones., lock and key.(how can i even forget that)..! It was too much and i am cherishing evry moment of it.!
Phew.! Finally.! Here I am.!! Where.?!? I am here in the digital library.! Kool place from where I can post my blog nah.!? I so missed Bloggind these days.! Days are gloomy and I am rather even more Gloomy.!! I tend to live on Chat,Coke and biscuits these days..I donno whats really happening to me actually.! I get irritated very fast and I am acting really stupid as well., although i donno the reason to all this myself..HUH..! sad life i say.,it really is sad.! Trust me.! Screaming at everyone for i dont find anything else impotrtant to do..Its sometimes not that easy aswell.! And yet again i am Misssing every one.! Yeah yeah.! Everyone again.!

More than anything im waiting for the hollidays.! I just want some peace.! I wanna have some mental peace! Im all exhausted taking all these now.! Not any more.! I want some time all for myself now.! The more i think about this the more i feel like crying,! Friendship always meant something very special to me.. And my friends always had that special position.. I cant live without them and this is for certain.! I rely on their shpulders for every single bit of work.! The more they are close to me., the more i feel secure.! Yeah i really am this way.! FML.! I so hate this in a way.!

I am tired of hearing lectures now.! I am tired of running every morning so that my math sir a few minutes late,I am so tired making people realise they are wrong ( their perception about me is wrong),I am tired of doing those never ending assignments.!I wanna have a break now.! And yeah i will get that At last from tomorrow.!Finally.!! ADIOS hostel for 10 days.1 gonna enjoy at home., food cook by mum.,Shopping and movies., masti.! wow.! I just cant wait any longer now.!!

D.E.D.I..C.A..T.I.O.N (Revised)

> Sai a.k.a Chmiley ( My chellam) **

> Abhinaya a.k.a Abhi (My bestest friend)

> Rohit a.k.a Rho (The wonder guy)

> Sowmya a.k.a Somi (The Dah'ling)

> Shalini a.k.a Shelly (The sweetest one)

> Pravallika a.k.a Pavvi (The one whose always with me)

> Aziz (The only sensible one)

> Neha a.k.a Neh (just can't live without her)

> Vijetha a.k.a Vijju (The total sweetheart)

> Pranavi a.k.a Pannu ( The cutest individual)

> Vamsshi a.k.a Vamsi ( The fundraiser)

> SK a.k.a Guru Bhai (The most brainy guy)

> Sp a.k.a ghobi ( One in his own world)

>Alekya a.ka Aloo (The so in love chick)


** Includes my dear bro's Draco and Max..


And here i thank all these people for making each and everyday a special one.! you guys mean a lot to me.! You really do.! Thanks for bearing with me! Readily accepting every stupid thing i do with a smile on your face and comforting me by always staying with me! I owe a lot to you guys! I really do.! whatever it is.,I am glad you guys are a part of my life.! Calling me up everyday to just make me realize that I am not alone.! Thanks Shelly!Those late night chats with Abhi and Rho..Those "o'l call back in 10 mins" by dear Somi..Those early banging on my door by dear Ms.Swati,Running to have our breakfast as fast as possible,Thadapthi aathma's usual routine.,Those loong and never ending chats in Abhi's room late night.,Teasing every damn person along with sam.,Those awesome fun we have in the E.C.I.L bus.,Lunch times are the best times spent according to me.,teasing everyone,Making fun of every damn person..!Those total brainy talks with my dear "guru bhai"., how the hell can i forget those..!? And Sai., I cant imagine a day without talking with you da.! Its just not possible.!!..WOW.! Its all so memorable.! Love you loads.! :)

Apology: Hey pavvi.! I'm sorry gurl.! I just dint care to notice what was going on through you up till now.! I really acted very selfish for that matter of fact.! I shouldn't have been so rude when you came for a sincere apology..I acted mad then.! I realized I was wrong when i saw the same situation in Rho's point of view..And when Sai made me understand that i am wrong(yeah.! It was he who made me realize that i was doing something really very wrong with you)..Do thank him..Yeah, btw you did forgive me for having acted so stupid nah..?

CONFUSED!

This is exactly how i feel at the moment.! What to.? and what not to do.. I just have no idea.! I feel so Useless at the moment( not that i don't feel it the other times)..I miss every thing..I miss reading novels, i miss sketching stuff, i miss blogging.! Damn i miss everything!I miss my lappy the most.! wonder which idiot used it.I so miss you my dear lappy! These are like the best part of my life and i am horribly missing everything.!The only possible better work i did was that i decided to write a few articles for the LAGH community..! did this end here..? No.! it dint..! i am the only girl who was asked to contribute to this blog( and i am sure that's the only reason they had to shut it down as well)..just kidding..! They had to shut it down..Wonder why..!?!?!? It was really so good and all.! and now even its down.! My life is all so screwed up..! Im missing my friends! Abhi,Rho,somi,Shelly,Pavvi,Neh,Viju and here the list goes on and on and on.>!

Yeah my birthday was just simply superb.! after all my 18Th birthday was finally real good.! And as usual., i did fall ill.! really ill but then i managed to celebrate it the best way..!My friends..! my hostel friends made the best of it..! They made this awesome and yummy sandwich cake for me ( not writing their assignments which they had to submit the next day)..poor gurls did everything to make me feel the most special gurl..! I got a million calls that day..! dint have time to even say a thanks for calling to any one.! *sigh*.. and darling Abhi happened to cry for the reason that she dint wish me first.! Gurl, even if you dint., your the very important part of my life.! I will always love you gurl.! Rho, as usual was the last to wish me.!yet it felt good somehow.! I was later hooked up in between as the seniors also wanted to make me feel that my birthday was something very special.!aw..Seeing Somi,Rho,Abhi,Shelly come down for my birthday was the best thing.! I just loved it..!

Freshers: A total unexpected beautiful event.!Never thought it would be such a big hit actually..but it was.! It turned to be awesome.! Yeah i sure will remember it. My freshers.!I happened to wear a black gown..And i still remember., for the first time., my hair was such a mess..It was horribly frizzy..! Neh,Viju,Pavvi and pranavi tried the hell best they could to make it a little manageable..! Later., as i noticed., my class guys..staring at me as if i came from a total new planet..!Well., they cant be blamed.! i never wear even jeans during the usual days., and on this day i happened to come wearing a gown.!And Aziz, i still am mad at you for you dint attend the freshers and left me with all the geeks myself.!I was totally tensed to even walk(well, what else can one expect when there are like 300+ people staring at you?!?)..The DJ was total fun..! I loved it.! It was the best day..! And i swear i will remember my freshers.!

I so missed writing all these in here.! Feels good to be back.!I swear it really does.!It makes me feel loadsa better now.!