*SIGH*..Never have I felt my self lucky..If you happen to give me one reason to be happy., yeah I dare say I will show you ten reason why I am supposed to be sad..I have never wanted any thing in my life desperately..But yeah., there was this one thing I just wished I had always..Every time I find any of my friends who are girls talking about their elder brothers you would find me almost dying of jealousy..Damn me., I used to practically envy them..!

But may be not now., I don't any longer..!May be for I am really blessed to have these two awesome people as my Brothers.!Yeah these two guys.!The best people I have ever met.! I swear., no one can be as lucky as I am..!They were always there when I needed them the most., and are even now there..Wonder where I would have landed without them.!They are always there when I need them..One msg and there they are.!Yeah I was addressing to them.. Max., and D..! My dear Brothers..! I swear they have always been with me when I had to face the worst parts in my life..They were giving me support and yeah being optimistic as well..! That helped me in a way., a lot actually..!My counseling.., I almost ate their heads off asking all weird queries.! Yet they were patient with me.! And now when I look back.,all I find is that I have never had any personal chance to actually thank them for that they had to actually face because of me or make them realize how much important they are to me.,yet may be this is one way.!! Thanks bro's..! Swear you guys both rock.!. :) A bigger thanks to Remus, because of whom I got such awesome bro's.! Thanks you chellam..One thing is for certain.,you both have really become a real important part of my life.!Thanks for all that you have ever done for me.. This is a small gift from me to my brave bro's.. A dedication to just the two of you..! Love you both :) I asked Max not to read this..Not because I have a useless thought of he thinking im overacting., but i'm a little scared to how he will react.! Even after I pleading him not to read., I know he will read it..This is the least thing im supposed to know about my bro after all.! Yet I can't quit the idea of not writing it..Its already late.,I better not make it any longer..

P.S:Sai.,thanks a million.I swear I will always love you.!

CHOICE

18th July' 10

The night is really lonely and gloomy in the hostel., I felt as if am all alone in-spite the fact that I am not alone..! There are three others in the same room as I am and all are fast asleep..! Not wanting to bother them., I slowly slipped outta my room..Landing near the stair case I almost broke up crying unable to control myself anymore.. Creating a tough image in-front of others specially my friends is a part of me(however this pathetically doesn't apply to rho,abhi,somi and shelly)..So no matter what it is., I made my mind clear that i'm never gonna shed a single tear drop when everyone's is around..! I'm a real tough gurl you see(HUH..? :P ).. Searching for a pic of yours in my cell and then staring at it I sub consciously cursed my self for not having filled that SASTRA application..! Damn me.! What ever it is., I am damn sure about one thing.. That I haven't been this deeply in love with anything or anyone(not even me.! :D)..!

WHAT is really wrong with me..!?!?! Yet what ever is happening is all just because of you..! Get me.?? Its because of you.!! I'm missing you like crazy..! I really dunno whats going on.. I tend to think about you all day., all night., wondering what you are doing atm., or if you are even missing me the way i'm missing you(duh huh., of-source you are.).. How selfish am I..?!? Why is this happening to me dear..? Why am I missing you this much..? Ah..I am unable to take it any more now..Every now and then I wonder what am I to do to make you understand how much you really mean to me.. Being truthful you mean the whole world to me.. May be more than that.. I am missing you so much atm that all I want is a big bear hug from you..! *A big bear hug* ..Bootham.,I am dying to meet you da..! I'm somewhere very scared if im gonna die with all this happening to me.! OMG..! I have never thought I will one day miss anyone this much..! I owe you a lot dear., I swear I do..! I want nothing else in life if I get you..! The way you call me *shallz* ., seriously I go gaga over you..! Its so wonderful when you call that way..! Guess why..? Because you create like a million butterflies then..! *Good morning love* ., and yeah you make my day..! I so love you for this.! Stay with me forever dear..,please stay with me..! I wanna be all yours.,just yours..! And yeah i promise to stay with you for ever..! I somehow love this feeling..! This feeling when you are with me.! I tend to love myself more..! With every second., I only find myself more deeply in love with you..! I love you loads dear..!

GITAM

Gandhi Institute Of Technology And Mangement..My college..!Getting into this college was one of the biggest challenges I ever faced..!Now that im here.,it somehow feels good..Same time., it even is really very difficult..Swear its never easy to live with four members in the same you are in when your frequencies don't really match.!GEEKS..!STUDS.!That's what they are..!Hanging all their clothes in same the room..?What the hell is that.?WTF.?Swear they have no basic ethics.. I have never seen people sorta this..! They are sorta *wierd*..Other hand., I have found awesome friends.!Manu.,Swe.,Swa.,Asha are a few of them who actually helped me realize that this place can even be total fun..!Hostel and friends can sometimes make your life seam beautiful..Those loong walks with Manu.long chats during the nights.,geting up early and bangging the doors to WAKE others up..! WOW..! Thats awesome..Trying to irritate the hell outta the watchman is one most awesome things.!Whatever., the RAGGING can sometimes be irritating..!Sometimes it gets too much outta controls and that's the time when you get irritated.!Being a little rude and throwing attitude is what you can do and I swear I loved myself for having done that..When its people like us., it can be worst..!Seams even somi had panga with her seniors.,great job gurl.! Now I seriously wonder what can that guy do..!!He never expected me to reply back to him that way..Poor old guy..!What ever it is., its awesome to throw this amount of attitude over them..! Making them realize they are fit for nothing basically.>!What ever it is., I'm loving it..! But yeah.,I am missing all my friends..Rho.,Abhi.,Somi.,Shelly., guys im missing you people like hell.!I swear..!Remus.,Dont just ask me about how much I am missing you ay the moment..! I'm missing you so much that all I want is to just hug you tight..!So tight that i will assure myself you are with me., Always..!What ever it is., Its useless to just think all this.!Its time I gotta do what I am supposed to do..!Just study and enjoy my days in there.>!Like two sides of a coin., heads for my responsibility and tails for enjoyment.,im gonna do justice to both of them..But yeah..! One thing is for certain.,I Love you guys.! Manu., especially you..!

"Don't you really think its too far to travel even if you want to?",my dad asked me trying to at lest make the conversation a little active while we were on our way to GITAM UNIVERSITY.."Huh.?.,Er..Yeah..It is dad.." was all I answered still peeping outta the car window.."This is a JUNGLE.,No use bunking the college..!"..True..The view was breath taking..It was all beeeaaautiful(it really really was)..The roads on the either side were covered with green carpets and the animals grazing just remained me of the beautiful painting I wanted to sketch..Yeah this is all fine..But one thing was just bad..I COULDN'T BUNK MY COLLEGE..!"What the hell.!",I thought..!There isn't piratically any use even if i bunk my college..!There are no Malls or Shopping centers or any Cinema halls near by.."What the hell am i going to do in --"

"Shalini., What are you thinking..?" asked my dad interrupting my thoughts.."Uh.?Huh..!Just thinking the same dad.."."I guess its time I take a decision now.,I guess its better off to join you in the hostel..You see...." The only thought that popped onto my head was MY MUM..! She did all she could up till now to not let me join in a hostel..!The only reason she dint let me join SRM was that she dint want me to join the hostel..Now how will she react.?What will she do i wondered.."Huh Dad., I doubt mum will agree.." I tried saying, making my dad understand what mum will go through.."You needn't worry about that..I will talk to her.." was all he said and I understood by this tone that im getting into the hostel..

"You dint even get your clothes from the tailor.,I wonder what are you upto..You are such a lazy gurl..I wonder what...", my mum was screaming from the kitchen at the top of her voice and I could conclude that she some how accepted the fact that im leaving.."You are going out along with Shelly tomorrow and complete your shopping.,Do you get me..?",she screamed out once again.."yes mum.! I got it..!" I told trying not to fight back..

The night was gloomy and sad..I completed half of my packing..!"PHEW".!I looked at my room and thought im gonna miss this place..Im gonna miss all the late night chats with my bootham.,not just the chats, im gonna him as well..*Way too much*..Looking around at all my posters I thought im gonna miss all these as well..I am gonna miss my Cozy bed where i used to read novels late night..Opening my scrap book.,I just realized how much im gonna miss every damn person..!Fliping the pages I thought,"At last im even gonna miss Mc.D, My tree(its already al dead..!),Pani puri and even my Blog"..!Then I closed it carefully and placed it in my suitcase deciding mentally that im gonna take that along with me..Im gonna miss all the living objects and the non-living ones..!*Sigh*.Its already late..I better get back and complete my packing before my mum freaks her heads off..! Toodles..!

An unknown feeling

Writing a letter every time I miss you.,reading your messages all over again every time to just console this little heart of mine that you are there with me forever..Never did I think that one day I will love you so much that everything will look very minute when compared to what im having.,the fact that im having you..Yeah..True..You really did change my whole life..!! You really turned my world upside down..And tell you what..?The view of my life is even more beautiful from this angle.. :)

You really did change everything..I doubt I would have cherished every moment in my life as im doing now if it wasn't you..You are born racer for you are always running on my head., and I am a big looser for I lose my heart every time I am with you..I doubt I will ever love any person as much as im loving you atm..You really are very special to me..You are the best thing that ever happened to me..At first.,when I began realizing what I was feeling about you I feared you might not feel the same..But now that I know you feel the same.,I just thank god that he listened to all my prayers..You have made me feel as if im the most special person alive on this planet earth and I swear its wonderful..Know why I love you this much..?Because.,I think your the only person who accepts me the way im although I know I have like a million flaws..You listen to all that i say with at most interest(although I know its all only crap) ,you don't mind hearing to the same old story again.,you love this craziness in me and it just surprises me to see how your very much fine with this kid in me..I just can't believe that sometimes God can be this generous..The moment I see your text flashing on my mob., there's a sweet smile across my face..And every time I hear your voice., I go gaga over you..!In short.,I feel so blessed that you think I deserve YOU..

You are a wonderful person.,and I dare say im the most luckiest person alive for you to love me..I dunno much about this unknown feeling but yeah im sure I cannot imagine a life without you in it..I see this happy little dream in my own world of fantasy and I just pray it comes true one day..To be truthful., I have a gut feeling that it isn't too far away..I'm glad that you forgive me for every stupid thing I do,and im glad you accept me the way I am..And yeah., I promise to do what so ever I can to just see you smile always..This post., was just for you dear..I dunno if im supposed to be happy that my college is starting in just couple of days or am I to feel sad that I wont be able to give you the same time..No matter what it is., all I wanna tell is that you will for ever be the most important part of my life..And please stay with me forever..

P.S : I will always love you..